Having compassion for others can be a particularly powerful experience. For me personally, I currently have a default level of compassion that has the potential to be quite intense. I don’t share this to say, “Look how virtuous and compassionate I am!”, but rather to give you a glimpse into my relationship with compassion at the moment. As it relates to that potential intensity, I think it can be harmful at times, leading me to become comPASS’ED OUT (aka compassion overload, compassion fatigue, etc.) if I’m not thoughtful about it.
…Before I continue, I want to be clear that I am sharing from my personal perspective and not as a doctor or mental health professional. I believe it is incredibly valuable to share and exchange ideas from a clinical perspective, but also from an individual experiential based understanding. Some of the language may slightly differ between these perspectives, but I think it provides a great opportunity to clarify and discuss these concepts further, which can strengthen our understanding and appreciation of compassion….
Thoughtful Compassion
If we approach compassion only with the heart, it is extremely easy to become overwhelmed by it. I have experienced this firsthand and have comPASS’ED OUT many times. While I may not have literally lost consciousness, recognizing the suffering (pain, distress, hardship, and injustice) of others as well as the significance of that suffering has led me to the point of great physical exhaustion. In most of these instances I may have been physically awake, but I wasn’t fully aware that I was feeling this intense level of compassion, let alone being thoughtful of or intentional about it.
On the flip side, if we lead only with the mind, it is difficult to be open to true compassion. Looking back at my time in the Marine Corp, I can definitely recall when the emotional side of compassion was almost nonexistent for me. There was an emotional survival mechanism, activated by rather intense situations, that got in the way. Though I may have recognized suffering and even taken action to alleviate it in some way, flipping off the emotional switch led to a type of compassion that was incomplete.
While my time in the military may be an outlier, I have definitely closed myself off to true compassion at other points in my life. It tends to be when awareness of my own emotions are an afterthought or totally absent, that I am less open. To me, true compassion is thoughtful compassion. This is simply compassion with a bit more intentionality and mindfulness. Thoughtful compassion doesn’t mean rationing compassion though. It is more about being aware of our own emotional capabilities and strengthening them, as well as knowing how to appropriately respond to feelings of compassion.
Whether my default level of compassion is extremely high or almost nonexistent, the method I use to become more balanced is the same. I start with mindfulness and add in self-compassion. After all, how can I truly have compassion for others if I don’t have compassion for myself.
Self-Compassion
There are various techniques for fostering self-compassion and, thanks to technology, many great resources for learning these techniques are accessible. To learn more about self-compassion or specific techniques, check out the links below. As with any practice, I don’t think the specific technique is as important as finding the appropriate balance of techniques that work for you. If you have another resource that you think others will find value in, please share it with us over in the Mindful X Community.
Links to Binge on Self-Compassion:
The ABCs Of Self Compassion (Meditation)
Self-Compassion Guided Meditations & Exercises
The Transformative Effects of Mindful Self-Compassion
