If I created this piece expecting everybody who came across it to embrace each word and find value in every sentence, I would likely be disappointed. For one, expecting anyone to get the exact value I propose in any sentence is unrealistic. Two, and worth greater consideration, is the fallacy of expectation itself.
When I expect something to take place, I am ignoring the actual value in front of me or creating a future reality that is built upon present factors that can’t account for every forthcoming possibility. Expectations also tend to be rooted in one’s own reality and ignore, or only superficially recognize, the reality of others. This can cause a decent amount of frustration and disappointment in our relationships. In a recent Mindful X meetup, one of the attendees brought up the idea of invitation, rather than expectation, and I think this is a fantastic way to reframe things.
Expecting anything of our partners, friends, family, or coworkers sets us all up for failure. We will fail to see the true value and opportunities that are ITP and IRL (in the present and in real life). We will also view others as having failed when they don’t live up to our blueprint of what “should” be. This creates much stress and wasted energy for everyone involved, especially since others are likely to have their own expectations of us. A more appropriate use of energy would be to invite others and yourself to coexist within a shared set of values and standards.
We can have high standards and stay true to our values, without expecting anything. It starts with having a clear understanding of what our values are. There are different categories of values and varying levels of significance for everyone. Your standards for the types of relationships or situations that must align with each value will also vary. The Minimalists have a helpful values worksheet (link below) if you’re not sure where to get started.
Once we know what are values are, it’s up to each of us to communicate what they are with others. It would also be in our best interest to understand what others value, particularly if they are people we care about. It is when we are mindful of our values and set high standards free from expectation, that we invite the people and opportunities into our lives that allow us to be who we authentically are.
Check this Out:
The Minimalists: Understanding Values
(Values worksheet at the bottom of the article)
